Honeymoon’s Over?!

My boys have been away at camp this week and although they are seasoned international travelers and have spent previous summers far from home, this has been a new experience for us all. I sensed that their quiet demeanor on our drive up to camp had little to do with their fears about being away from mom for a week and everything to do with being disconnected from technology for longer than their worst punishment. I’m confident that they are having a wonderful time at camp, but I have to admit that I scan the daily photos posted on the camp web site to see if I can discern contentment in their smiles. Are they making new friends? Do they feel homesick? Did they brush their teeth today? These are the questions that plague me as I track their camp journey in photos.

And since kids today are so connected, it seems odd and even a bit “old fashioned” that we have been unable to speak with one another in nearly a week. Yesterday, I received a card in the mail from my eldest. My mind immediately flashed to the stories of pitiful letters and cards from miserable campers who literally beg their parents to come and rescue them from camp. Hoping for the best, I held my breath as I opened the card and read the first line. “I LOVE camp!” was all I needed to read to put my fears to rest. Camp is such a rite of passage for a kid and a great opportunity to experience some independence from mom and dad, but it comes with certain aches and pains, among them sunburn, bug bites, and homesickness.

As I reflect on some of my earliest intercultural experiences, I realize that I was about the same age as my son is now when I spent a summer in Lieto, Finland on a cultural exchange program. Not unlike him, snail mail and perhaps a telephone call or two were my only connection with home during my month-long stay abroad. I remember being uncertain about this new cultural experience and my ability to endure it. Would I like the food? How was I going to communicate with my host family? Did people really go to the sauna naked? It was a scary new world for a 12-year old kid from Ohio.

Whether it’s summer camp, a new job, a change in marital status, or an overseas living experience – adjustments are never easy and it seems like every phase of life provides new challenges to keep our adaptation skills sharp. Cultural adjustment is a natural part of the overseas living experience and many anthropologists have studied it and written about its symptoms, challenges, and cures. Certainly, most people have heard of “culture shock”, but you may not be aware of the different phases of cultural adjustment and the how to identify and navigate each one.

While each individual will pass through the different stages of the Cultural Adjustment Cycle, the timing and duration in each phase will vary.

Honeymoon – As the name implies, the honeymoon phase is the “high” that one feels shortly after arriving in a new culture. Everything is still new and exciting, which stimulates a sense of wonder and contentment. In my own personal experience, it is during the honeymoon stage that I have the most energy for and engagement in meeting new people, trying new foods, and partaking in new adventures. The days seem to stretch on endlessly with all the activity and fun to be experienced. It is in this stage that you try without embarrassment to speak the language and seemly make great strides pretty quickly in mastering key phrases. Everything is rosy and you feel as if you have found your way home. Unfortunately, the honeymoon phase does not last long and what comes next is far from rosy.

Shock – As high as you may have felt during the honeymoon phase, the culture shock stage is at the opposite end of the spectrum where you feel the lowest. The aspects of the new culture that previously delighted you may disgust you at this point. You may choose to withdraw, spending more time by yourself or with people from your own culture during this stage. You may become obsessed with order or cleanliness as you react against the feelings of discomfort that this foreign environment stirs up in you. Your mood, sleep patterns, and appetite may also be disrupted. You might be tempted to pack your bags and return home. All of this is completely normal at that stage of the cultural adjustment cycle. While it may be unbearable, it does get better and with each successive recovery, the low points will be less and less severe. My low point usually hits around six months into my overseas experience. Some of the symptoms of culture shock can resurface around the holidays when feelings of homesickness can invade your otherwise happy existence.

Adaptation – Over time, the emotional roller coaster does level off a bit with less severe fluctuations from a general feeling of normalcy. Granted, this will be a new normal, but you will be able to handle the ups and downs with relative ease once you have reached this stage of adaptation. With greater immersion in the culture comes a deeper understanding and ultimately, a sense of belonging. Being able to communicate in a new language and manage daily life in a different culture can certainly boost your confidence as well.

Re-entry – While many people expect to experience culture shock when entering a new culture, it is the unexpected challenges of returning home that often impact the international traveler the most. After all, what could be difficult about returning home? Intercultural experiences, particularly after an extended overseas stay, yield profound changes in a person and they may not be fully realized until one returns home. You may feel that you no longer fit or belong at home because it seems as if the people and the overall environment there has stayed the same. People’s interest in your photos and stories may begin to wane after a few days, leaving you feeling misunderstood and a bit lost. Re-entry shock will set in and you may feel some of the same sensations that you experienced as you suffered through culture shock. And much like what transpired earlier in the cultural adjustment cycle, you will adapt to this new “normal.”

As I make the journey tomorrow to pick up my sons from camp, I am grateful for the incredible experience they have had and how they have certainly grown from the time away from home. I will also be mindful of their need to tell (and retell!) their camp stories as well as sing their camp songs. Then we will look forward with great anticipation to the next opportunity, whether it is camp, a study abroad program, or some other adventure (another “honeymoon” moment) that we can only dream about today.